I feel like confessing out loud. Ok not out loud in public. Nothing serious. Nothing major. Just the things that have been bouncing around in my head and showcasing the reality of the nut job that I think I am.

First, I didn’t make it to the Dalai Lama speech in my school Saturday. Why? I had a bible study the night before, people left late and I was tired in the morning. Simple. It was a free ticket so I don’t fee so bad.

Second, I’ve been praying for God to open the doors for us to either find a place where we can plant a church or find a church that would be willing to have us start an English service so we can do church the way we believe it should be, could be done. Well, a big wig (the Presbyter of our AG section) has offered to let us start an English service in his church and do our community thang (we believe in holistic missional church), now that we have this being offered on a plate to us we are analyzing it to death. Is the location right? Is the size and layout good? Is this GOD’S WILL for US? LOL. In my heart, I feel we should go for it. My pentecostal roots tell me pray about it for at least four months and start in January if I feel PEACE about it. My emerging thelogy tells me what is there to pray about silly?!!! You feel the call to pastor with your husband, you now have the place to “begin in” and you have your denominational backing…duh! Is there anyone else out there that analyzes things to death. I feel excited and scared at the same time. My husband and I share how we will never feel “ready” to say “ok, we are pastor material now”. When push comes to shove, we just want people who don’t know the Lord or people who just have had their faith shattered by broken dreams to realize that hope springs eternal and that we can truly make a difference to a “few” people. We have come to terms with the fact that we have something to say and we don’t have to say it with our Sunday best on and that church with all its politics and hurts still is the only institution in the world that God meant to have the biggest impact on individual lives.

Starting from scatch is so well…hard. LOL. Who will do worship? Me?! My husband will play the drums and Children’s ministry?. I am grateful for Brian McClaren’s suggestion that I read a book about church administrivia so that I don’t drown on the details of running a church. I am excited, really excited but I also will be a bivocational minister…and wow, I guess I am afraid of how tired I will be with family, school, pastoring, etc. Then of course, I feel God speaking into me to take it down a notch and not sweat all this stuff now.

Decisions, decisions. I have to decide if we will do this adventure, I have do decide on my disseratation topic, I have to decide how I will continue to do my job (as a fundraiser for a social service agency). Right now, I am in the airport on my way to Jacksonville for Planet Philanthropy. I love to learn and especially when I feel it will help me do what I do better.

Anyway, there is never a dull moment for me. But good news…my younger son with special needs had his annual neurosurgery check up on Monday and the cat scan showed that in his brain everything is still the same. Didn’t get better BUT didn’t get worse. I am thankful that it wasn’t another operation (would have been #28). Also I got the letter about being deposed for his lawsuit case in NYC…October 18. Looking forward for that to end.

Our lives are so complicated. Some things starting, some things beginning, somethings being again renewed and restored. Growth. Challenging but necessary for forward progress in everything.

I continue to travel on the road sometimes I don’t choose the one less travelled (cause I got a comfort thing) but always more questions and more growth. That is a good thing no?