This week has been very event-full! In addition to preparing for what turned out to be a very great Easter service see pics here and have back to back meetings for work and for church, I had a bad day. Today. Today was a day of hurt for me surrounding my ex-job. Let’s just say I saw the ‘true colors’ of a particular person and wow…it scared me. But no need to go into it…you see because I am free. Just yesterday I was talking to a few friends about how sometimes in life you meet people that hurt you deeply and sometimes we react by closing ourselves off for all other relationships or sometimes we choose to live in spite of the pain we receive. We choose to see that its still a wonderful world…even if ________ (you fill in the blank).

Yeah, I was hurt today. But I will survive and thrive! I always do by the grace of God. I’ve learned that I can’t worry about other people’s lack of judgement, knowledge or emotion. I’ve learned that I can’t close myself off to others just because I had a few rotten apples on the yellow brick road. God don’t like ugly as a friend reminded me today. People will get what they deserve eventually and we may never see it. Our roles as individuals is to evaluate, evaluate, evaluate ourselves…to keep growing and enjoying the world and the goodness of God in it in spite of the darkness we also find in it. There are good days and then there are bad days…today was a bad day. So what did I do? I came home, changed into my bathing suit and did a few laps around the pool, then I laid down in the pool lounger and looked up at the beautiful Fl sky and heard this song in my head…

What a Wonderful World
Louis Armstrong

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They’re really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

In spite of the hurtful deeds of others, in spite of the undeserved acts done to us by others…its still a wonderful world. I thank God that I can say that even as I cry typing this (delayed reaction). God is good, HIS love endures forever and bottomline that is all I really need isn’t it?

"Born of a woman, nourished of a woman, obedient to a woman, and that he healed women, pardoned women, comforted women . . . after his resurrection appeared first to a woman, sent a woman to declare his most glorious resurrection to the rest of his Disciples.

The story of Christ as found in the early 17th century devotional classic Salve Deus (1611) by English writer Aemilia Lanyer

Alot. You see I am the mother of a special needs child. Who determines if he should live or die just because he can’t do the things most people consider "quality of life" issues. Honestly, he seems more content than most people I know on any given day. Sure, he can’t walk or talk and he needs help to eat but does that mean he isn’t fit to live. Well, that is how I see this case with Terri Schiavo. It’s not like she needs a life support machine to live, its just a feeding tube. She is alive. If it was a machine keeping her alive I would agree with the masses and say unplug. But its not! She is alive on her own she just needs help to eat. So the world is crying out ‘let her starve to death’ and unplug that feeding tube. What the heck is this all about? Afraid of people unlike themselves? Can deal with the reality of brain damage so let’s get rid of these folks and its easy…just stop feeding them? Her families website states "Terri is purposefully interactive, alert, curious, lovely young woman who lives with a very serious disability.  She lives free of any life support machines and receives nutrition through a tube that is connected only at meal times. "

I don’t know about you but I’ll be fighting just as hard to keep my son on that tube because HE IS ALIVE! I myself won’t not want to be on a life support machine and would not attempt to keep my family members on that either but to say since you need my help to eat and since I want to get on with my life, you’ll now starve is a horrible way to treat a very disabled person. What is wrong with America. Sure, it is way more important to save the whales, send millions to the disappearing orangutans but for the love of _____(you fill in the blank) get those terribly needy disabled folks out of our world. You better hope no one in your family or worse, YOU  don’t get in some accident where you are rendered disabled…because in America…not many would want you around.

The saddest part of this whole thing is that if it was a Latino family no one would know about it right now and if they did, would they care? Looking at this situation, I would bet those chances would be slim to none.

Reflecting again…there I go. This week has been one of reflecting on the following issues in no particular order. 1) transitions 2) sex 3) the cross of Christ.

Transitions because I am changing jobs, leaving some folks that I have come to like and going to a new place. Wondering why things always have to change. Understanding that many times changes bring good things and that in changes progress occurs.

Sex because all over, everywhere it abounds and it seems like sex gone wild wins. Teens ruin their lives because of it. Marriages are ended because of the it. Lives are lost because of the consequences of it. Ministries are damaged because of the desire for it. In and of itself sex is supposed to be wonderful, an act between a man and a woman who are married "to each other". No need to have a lesson here but I belief my heart was both scared and grieved. Scared because I am always evaluating myself and how its pull can get to me too..I don’t profess to be perfect. Grieved because I’ve seen up close how something intended to be so beautiful can be used for so much damage. Three…count them three…marriages I know of this week are ending because of sexual infidelity. More young people than I care to count are having babies without being ready…many out of wedlock…so much so that a song by Fantasia Barrino (last American Idol) called "Baby Mama" is considered an anthem.  I still say that people have to find safe places to talk about S-E-X. Trying to handle things on our own just doesn’t work. We have to stop being proud. We have to stop wanting to have people think we have it together. And we totally have to stop walking away from people who do mess up because observers say "heck there is NO way I’ll ever be found out."  Although the only group I have problems with is women who get sexually involved with married men knowing they are married or worse…knowing the wife and the kids and doing it anyway. God has not helped me find a soft spot for that group as of yet…I told you I ain’t perfect.

The Cross. I have to tell you that putting together an Easter service with no money is a killer. But like everything else we’ve had to do without money, it has been accomplished. The real test will come after the service when we find out if people liked what we put together. In a church plant, you are the sound person, video technician, worship leader (from shower to pulpit), opener and closer lol. But anyway, it was putting all this together that took me back to the cross and how it changes everything.  Martin Luther once said "the only person who deserves to be called a theologian is the one who comprehends the visible and manifest things of God seen through suffering and the Cross." Most Christians understand the vertical dimension of the Cross and how its the bridge to God but what I know I don’t dwell on enough is the horizontal dimension of the cross. Eternal salvation can’t happen without the Cross but neither can daily salvation. The cross is not just about eternity (some day) its about living now (today). Fully embracing what Jesus did for us on that cross so many years ago takes you on a journey of healing, wholeness, and extraordinary peace. It’s a wild plan man. Paul said "The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. Ya see..The Cross is not only our bridge to God but the bridge over troubled waters of our daily life. The power of the Cross, the power of the Cross…it was the low road to the high road. Yes, it bridges that ugly gap between humans and God. It is also THE CROSS that heals my relationships. It’s THE CROSS that crucifies the power of our own selfishness and releases us get that abundance, God loving mentality towards others.

I am just awed by the Cross. I hope I can get through the service on Sunday. Think of these cross thoughts:

"Our sin must be extremely horrible. Nothing reveals the gravity of sin like the cross." –John Stott

"God will keep His promises even if it kills him" -don’t know who said that one

"They crucified him with the criminals. Which is more amazing, to find Jesus in such bad company or to find the criminals in such good company? …Jesus died precisely for these two criminals who were crucified on his right and left and went to their death with him. He did not die for the sake of a good world, he died for the sake of an evil world."–Karl Barth

Thank you Lord for the Cross!

These are my WEPA sistahs. We’ve been though some "interesting" times as individuals in our journey and have tried to be "there" for one another. I am blessed to have such good women in my life.

In NYC, I was telling a friend how I "was googled" by an employer and my blog was "discovered". I was asked to take all references of my workplace out of the site. I did. Apparently, another CA friend told me, this has happened alot and lawsuits are springing up all over the place about confidentiality, what can and cannot be said on someone’s personal blog. I even mentioned recently how you never know when you will be ‘discovered’ by someone’s googling habits…and today I read this and this. Google themselves fires someone on staff for blogging about life at google! Do you know…if you’ve been googled and discovered lately? What do you think about this issue?

I’m bloggin’ from my sister-in-law’s computer she got a wireless keyboard…nice! Anyway, today was a very interesting day. I went back. I went back to my home church. A place for me that represents highly experenitial times with God, times of ministerial expansion and…deep pain. Without giving too much detail (as many have been dumbfounded by my apparent carefree all exposing blogs) I achieved another milestone going back to my home church. There were many new folks I never met before and some old folks who could care less that I was there…LOL. But I did run into people I really really wanted to catch up with and I saw some people that deeply hurt me in the past. BUT…I handled it. And the point of all this was that there was no more pain. Thank you Jesus. I was able to see a particular person who deeply betrayed me and I was ok. I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t freak out or run out of the place. I remained cool…calm…collected. All glory to God. He really does heal our wounds as we let Him work with us through the process.

I had an awesome time with my WEPA sisters. We laughed. I cried. We laughed some more. I cried some more. I love these four women. All so different. All so determined to survive in their own way. Smart. Poised. Loving. I am blessed to have them in my life. I pray that I am the blessing to them that they are to me.

Saturday was great too and I spent time with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law (Pastors Marc & Enid). He just got this D. Min. from Gordon-Conwell…I am so proud of him. We talked about so many things like "look what can come from the projects!," "latino leadership transition (Rudy you came up again)," "CEFL," "church planting"…and we still got so much more to talk about. We haven’t spent that much time together in a long time and I missed it. It’s great to share the ministry and life journey with others who have committed to ‘take up their cross’ too.

So far, going back was a wonderful thing for me. We all have to go back sometimes to the places that almost killed us. Remember Paul going back to Lystra where they stoned him and left him for dead. Some followers got him, took him to another nearby town, he got better and then instead of saying ‘later for these folks’…he went back…to the same folks who tried to kill the brother! Today was my first step…returning to my home church where I have loved and I have lost. But like the saying goes…its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. That place with all the good and the bad is part of my makeup. It’s who I am. I still have that scar but its no longer an open wound. Some folks told me today, I was glowing, I looked great, and other such stuff (which I truly appreciated nearing my birthday LOL) but to me it was a testament that e-v-e-n-t-u-a-l-l-y we do not only survive, we  thrive and its so wonderful when you fully aware of that moment. Today was that moment for me and I guess it showed…cause I went back and I glowed.

I leave this afternoon to New York. Unfortunately its not totally for good reasons. Deposition #2 in my son’s lawsuit case against a big medical institution. The big power against a hispanic middle class family. Aye. Last time I went I left my lawyer’s office both days with a major headache. I can’t even imagine what they think I can tell them this time. I feel like I told them everything I can remember already. It’s been FIVE years! I barely remember things from last week.  The upside of my visit is that I get to see my family and friends. Hooray!

BTW, I got a surprise call from Trinity International University yesterday and well…let’s just say…I am full-time now WITH 4 weeks vacation amongst other wonderful things. God opened a door. I still hope to stay connected to my current workplace in some way…let’s see how that goes, I really do love their work, and of course, that’s if they even want me to stay connected.

It’s a new season. I feel it!

In my usual thinking mode today. Rethinking everything. I just discovered that one can be "discovered" by their blog postings, so beware of what you say. Not that I’ve said anything that I am now sad that I said but it can lead to uncomfortable situations. Why be uncomfortable right?

With that said, there have been many things in my life that could have discouraged me, this thought came to mind today as I drove in a wicked rain storm after work. As the wipers made that melody from going back and forth, as the rain pounded on my wind shield, it made me think of my life. It’s because I am going to be another year older, I celebrate a birthday month and I evaluate my life months before…hey, what can I say…I am a complex woman.

Life has been like a rain storm that would not let up. Just when I think the sun is coming out…something else happens. I am living a life I never thought I would be living…that of a parent of a multi-handicapped child. And for those of you who know me all the "other" stuff I’ve been through just added more poundings. BUT …Regardless. I’ve survived. No, I’ve thrived. Thank God for His grace and mercy.

Going through things makes you rethink everything, it really does. It makes you rethink what you believe about God, it makes you rethink who you thought you were and reveals who you really are and sometimes it doesn’t look too pretty when we see it. Life in general is never easy. The lemons of life make you rethink what your passions are in life and makes you consider the hard questions. What do you want you life to be about? What are you contributing to this world? Is it really all about the benjamins? Keeping up with the Joneses? No! Life is about insisting on yourself-never imitating. Being the total you God created you to be. As I reach this new age, I am joyful about who I’ve become even though I’ve become this person because of the hardships of life. I am joyful that life’s rain storms have made me rethink everything. And finally, I am joyful that when the sun finally did come up for the moment, I was happy with who I turned out to be and not afraid to be me–I insist on being me. I urge you to insist on yourself! Life can be so darn draining when you are trying to be somebody else.  Sure, things in life don’t turn out how we want or plan them to most of the time. Sometimes we will also suffer BUT we can overcome.

Quotes to think on:

The world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it. –Helen Keller

In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world. –Jesus Christ

You are going to get through. You will overcome. You will arise a new you. Celebrate that moment. Lizism #104