I am still in the process of reading The Heretic’s Guide to Eternity. I have highlighted a bunch of things and will be giving comments on it in a few. Sometimes I just have to sit with "it" the text I’ve just read. Some parts of it scare me because I feel he’s on to something and other parts of it make me say "you are walking a dangerous line". So come back I should have something soon.

However, in light of reading this book and the others on my desk, I am also reflecting on when someone should leave a church. I am pastoring a small church plant. Of course, we notice when people "come" , "when people don’t return" and when regular members are "gone for along time". Since we started in Jan 2005, we have only lost one person who was predominately spanish speaking and wanted a spanish speaking church, which while in our plans for the future–is not one of our primary goals at this stage in the game. Recently, however I personally have been struggling with someone in the church.  Not to get into detail about that situation…but to help all of us reflect on when its time to leave a church, I started to research and just do my own reflecting. Here’s what I personally think:

1. Crapola happens. For some reason most of the world expects great things to happen all of the time and when it doesn’t we blame everyone around us but never look at ourselves. I’ve come to a point in my life where I realize there will be alot more valley’s then mountaintops but in the midst of all that God is still worthy of my worship and I better learn to enjoy the mountaintops. Decisions are things we make and some of us decide to stay frozen forever because we don’t want to risk getting hurt again. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to be hurt. I don’t want to be hurt again. But we all get hurt. Trust me I’ve been hurt by friends, family, co-workers and it made me for a while want to stop running the race. I wanted to have a pity party but people we will never reach our destiny if we stop because of all the crapola that happens in life.

2. Church was never the place where heaven was to reside. First of all let’s forget about a building people go to because that definitely was not meant to be "church" but let’s think of the people who make up the "church". We all need Jesus and thus no matter our socioeconomic level or pedigree, we "all for short of the glory of God". Sin. Whether we are ‘practicing sin’ or just ‘fall into sin’ on ocassion, it still makes us part of the "all". We hurt each other sometimes on purpose due to sin and sometimes we hurt each other out of ignorance and uncommunicated expectations. But are we to walk away every time someone hurts us…who is this about anyway…them or God. I read a good article on this read it here.  Heaven is well…in heaven. On this side of earth, we have to remember we are all imperfect individuals trying to follow Jesus.

3. Some folks want a "Me" church and if you are not that don’t be apologetic about it. WHF is not a "me" church. Although some have tried to make us into one we have not allowed that to happen. While we don’t want to be like the churches we’ve experienced or know about that are stay in an unhealthly culture after they ‘know’ its not healthy, we also don’t want to be an ‘anything’ goes kind of church where we are catering to individualism. We want to be full gospel preaching victory and struggle, joy and pain–most places only want to focus on the good stuff which is why when something bad happens people lose it or they want to try every new "trend".

Maybe it’s time to find a church that closer fits the bible’s plan:

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved". –Acts 2:42-47

"If there is anything in the church to which you belong
which is contrary to the inspired Word, leave that church."
–CH Spurgeon

As a pastor of course I would love it if everyone who comes to our church stays. But I want them to stay because they love it there…because it is a place where they are getting fed,  are challenged to grow not just by doing things for the kingdom either…but grow spiritually AND emotionally (we have many spiritual giants but emotional midgets in the Kingdom). My husband and I never did this before and its an incredibly humbling adventure to care for souls but we also aren’t faking the funk. We don’t want to walk around with an ‘air’ about us because we are pastors…we want to be real about the journey and share the struggle together with our folks.

Bottomline, for me its time to leave a church when you can’t wake up in the morning because you have knots in your stomach thinking about facing the people you’ll see. You see, if you have all that physical drama you can’t concentrate on the Word being spoken, you can’t receive a hug from someone without being suspicious, its just an all out mess. So the church MAY BE a biblical church as the article link mentions BUT if you are complaining more than being part of the solution, if you are dreading going or worse, you don’t go at all but still consider yourself a part of the church…its time to make it official and leave. Now…you must know that there is no perfect church in all the world…so becoming a church leaver may be something you will become used to as well.

that Tropical Storm Ernesto didn’t turn into a hurricane and wasn’t even a strong tropical storm. Our state, learning from last year’s marathon of hurricanes closed most businesses on Tues and today. Although by this a.m. most people were called back to work since we really didn’t experience much.  I am thankful for one. Some folks are complaining that the "media" got everyone into a frenzy and it turned out to be a dud. I wonder where their brains are…I mean really…the Hurricane Center and the media weather people aren’t God. They can’t predict 100% correct forecasts! We just prepare for the worst and hope for the best…that is exactly what happened.  Our hurricane season has been great thus far but we still have September and October.  Hopefully nothing else will manifest in the waters. We had to cancel bible study and a graduation of our soul care students on Thursday.  I guess this was a forced vacation of sorts at least for me. I needed it. In NY we had snow days, in FL we have hurricane days I know its no comparison as a snow storm won’t necessarily ruin your house or kill you but I used to look forward to those days…not so much with Hurricane days but when they turn out to be "not much of a thing" I love it. I sleep, I sleep some more. I read. I hang with my familia who I love so much. I don’t have pressure to do anything…but alas, we are back to normal and thus the craziness of my days return.

I got a call and now will be teaching online for the Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership at my former place of employment, Nyack College. However, the interesting thing is its not the NYC campus, its the DC campus.  This should be fun. I start September 5th and I start my Race and Ethnicity class the end of September for five weeks at my school Trinity.  I do it for the love of teaching and it doesn’t hurt to get paid for it too!

I’ve read that before in other places but today I got an email from my former pastor Rev. Dr. Marcos Rivera about a NY Times article that mentions this updated statistic.  In my role as Director of Communications and Community Relations at Trinity International University Florida it’s important for me to know this as I go about designing ads that will attract students to our school.  Our school is one of very few Christian accredited degree programs in Florida. There are others where there "green" campus is in Orlando and they have sites in Boca Raton or Fort Lauderdale but our "green" campus is right here in South Florida. We currently are located in N. Miami but in December will be moving to Davie, FL right by 595 and State Road 84. Smack in the middle of Miami and Broward to be accessible to people who come from both areas. Right now we are working on a Return to Learn campaign and a new enrollee can get $500 credit toward tuition if they enroll by October 31st!! In addition, what helps us get new students is our radio station 89.7 Spirit FM, the veteran Christian radio station from the Keys to the Palm Beaches.  Thinking about going back to school? Consider getting a degree from TIU whether undergraduate B.A. or a Master of Arts in Religion or Counseling Pyschology. 

Right now my brain is wondering how to best capture the women who want to come back to school and how CEFL can help. Any ideas?

I am so pleased to announce that my doctoral proposal has been approved. I will begin my research in September!  As I write the final two chapters of my dissertation "the results" and the "discussion", I also want to share the "acknowledgements"page with ya’ll. I cried when I wrote it.

Acknowledgements

            Nothing in life is truly accomplished alone and that is definitely true when acknowledging how I’ve come to this point. Albert Schweitzer once said, “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” The writer gratefully acknowledges all who rekindled the spark that at many times during this doctoral journey seemed to go faint. Particular gratitude is extended to Dr. Delores Smiley, chair of my doctoral committee for the guidance and advocacy she displayed on my behalf to get me to the final destination.

            For her direction, sincere appreciation also goes to Dr. Linda Simunek—whose insight provided the guidance needed to make the writing of this work more focused.

            For his unlimited support and giving me the time I needed weekly to accomplish this task “with pay”, I honor my boss, Dr. Kevin Meyer.

            I am sincerely grateful for the patience, endurance, and support I received from my close friends Marcy Ramos and Betsy Rivera, who motivated me, inspired me, and still loved me without question when I could not give more of my time to them.

            I also thank my co-laborer in ministry Edna R. Quiros who tried to understand “my cave moments” that made her feel alone in a strange land…

Florida

            For their cheerleading from afar, my family and former pastors, Rev. Dr. Marcos Rivera and Rev. Enid Rios Rivera.

            But truly, this entire doctoral dream would not have been possible if my husband and soulmate, Hiram and my children, Samuel and Daniel did not support me when there needed to be a sacrifice of time for family activities. I appreciate Hiram with words that cannot be expressed for his uncompromised encouragement, deep love, understanding and constant cheerleading on my behalf. This accomplishment is as much your achievement as it is mine. “Thank you for waiting to have wife back!” Thank you Samuel and now “mommy won’t live by the computer anymore”.

            Lastly, to my Lord and my God, “who knew the plans He had for me…” and gave this Latina young lady, child of a single parent mom from the projects, mom of a special needs son, the ability and opportunity to achieve her doctoral dream without ever having succumbed to being a statistic. For that I give Him all the honor, the glory and the praise!

I just viewed the DVD called "Rent" with Taye Diggs, Rosario Dawson and a few other actors. I’ve been wanting to see this for a long time. I finally did. All the drama going on i.e. a crossdresser with a another gay male, two lesbians,  the AIDS epidemic, drugs, made me think of the old days when someone would have told me I was going to hell just by watching this movie! I told my husband afterward the message in the movie could be a preachin’ in itself. I may just do that…525,600 minutes-Measuring a Year.

Throughout the movie you see relationship ups and downs, you see friends standing with each other when they got money in their pockets and when they can’t even pay the rent hence the name. They never did seem to get out of that ‘financial’ reality but boy did they learn alot by the end of one year!

I was reminded that we have "no day but today" [tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone] and we should not live with regret for our past and not live the present because we are planning our future. TODAY is the day to enjoy in full measure, to be all God created you to be, to live fully alive from the heart. Why the heck do we let people dictate our lives or even worse drain us, zap us of our joy? I reflect on that even as a pastor. I refuse to have unhealthy supposedly spiritual folk make me feel bad for their lack of ownership on their own spiritual development. Yes, I do believe there are some who need a hand but they have to be making baby steps towards progress. Transformation should be occuring. At Wounded Healer, we are focusing on teaching about emotionally healthy spirituality, about teaching transformational truths that change head and heart. In our world we have so many people living in the hurt of the past that they can’t enjoy "the new thing God is doing" or hope in the "future glory". There is no day but today, all of us who call ourselves disciples have to walk through it with a bull-headed determination to grow from the good and the bad. Yes, there is time to cry but we must, we must get up and stay in the race. As pastors, we have to be careful not to invest so much time on a person who refuses to ‘grow up’. Be available when they are ready to hear the truth, be ready to walk with them. But until then invest in the people who "got it" and the ones who never heard "it"…the ones who want a continual pity party, give them over to God.

Another thing I was reminded about was that in 525,600 minutes, moments so dear, we need to measure our lives with the things that matter. Measure it in love. Do we focus on the bad or the good. I am so grateful to God that I’ve learned these lessons at this age. There are people in the 40’s, 50’s and older who still are miserable because their 365/525,600 minutes are wasted moping around every day, complaining about what they didn’t have handed to them in life, angry at people who didn’t fulfill a need in their life and then wondering why they don’t have seasons of love…hello, they never gave it room to grow because they are zappers of life to those around them. Listen, I am the first one to say that life sucketh at times. I almost lost my marriage once and I have a severely handicapped son, I went through things I never thought I deserved or would have gone through…but I did. You probably have your story too! But right now, what are you focusing on in your very own minutes? How will you measure your year thus far?

I want to measure it saying that I was true to the me I thought God wanted me to be, I want to meaure it surrounded by people I love and who truly love me [all of me even with my baggage and imperfectness], I want to measure it by how much I gave of my time when I would have rathered be sleeping, I want to measure it in the seasons of love…expressed and given.

Sure the movie had a drag queen, lots of "sin" but that movie would preach any day. I would venture to say that some Christians could not even meet up to that bunch of sinful people. LOL. Oh man, people who are we kidding? Our brief life here is but a midst, a vapor the Word says, how are we living it. Wasting time trying to figure people out? Crying over someone who doesn’t believe in your dream or doesn’t like your style? Let’s rise up, dust ourselves off and not measure our lives by that…please. For everyone that doesn’t like us, believe in us, or whatever…there is someone who needs you to survive. To bring the message that only you have.

So if you can rent Rent, see your story in their story, and remind yourself every day that in 525,600 minutes, moments so dear the most important measurement is love. Giving it, expressing it and not tolerating soul abuse of ANY kind. I don’t care if you are a leader in your church or pastor. Who wrote the policy on pastors/leaders tolerating membership minuitia to "show they care". I think you show you care more when you tell the truth and when you are able to (in love of course ) tell them they need to get healthy. Caring is working hard to be and stay emotionally healthy. As goes the leaders, so goes the church. 526,600 minutes…the moments too dear to give up to knuckle heads I say.

Selah.

There are a few things I want to point out when reading the Heretics Guide to Eternity. I will reserve my agreement or disagreement with the authors until I am further into the book but the discussion is worth having and thus, I plunge forward. The authors mention that there is heresy and heretics everywhere and that “institutions find new life by embracing heretical ideas.” [Thought to self: ok, you got my attention…where are you going with this?] They let us know that they are approaching the idea of heresy from two perspectives. First, heresy as a means of dissent. Not in a way to say they don’t value the earlier forms of the gospel story and the way is been communicated as much as “it is a way out of our present state of affairs.” Spencer trys tp relax those who would automatically label him a “leaver” a “trader” because of the views expressed in this book. He states quoting Art Kleiner, “a heretic is someone who sees a truth that contradicts the conventional wisdom of the institution–and reamins loyal to both entities.” He goes on to say, “heresy also implies new thought. ” Now this part is the key, “I am not merely seeking to put a new spin on old beliefs, I am actually declaring that there are new ways of believing when it comes to teh Christian story.” I think that is a key statement because many of things many of us are reading are about “putting a new spin” on something we already have come to know as the gospel. But the authors are challenging the very gospel story we have come to know.

This is what I like so far, the fact that Spencer acknowledges in his introduction that “to reflect on religion is fraught with danger–this I readily admit. [Thanks!] To mess with people’s beliefs is a precarious venture, riddled with hazards [yeah, it is and I did say I am very afraid]. “NEVERTHELESS”, he goes on, “I think it’s worth exploring what the Christian faith could look like if we took some risks, pushed some tired old perspectives aside, and looked at the gospel story with twenty-first century eyes.”
I appreciate that he goes there. I appreciate that he knows not everyone will agree but the reflecting is important. Not enough people of faith reflect. They just listen and say “yes that sounds good, I’ll go for that”. This danger is the same for everyone in every variation of camps on the gospel story. Some people just accept anything and some people have done so much reflecting that they don’t know how to come back into the world. I think like many people including Spencer, I too have learned to live with uncertainty, questions, and don’t want to live a life that is not fulfilling spiritually, following models instead of following the Jesus I read about in scripture.

This is going to be very interesting to me, what lies ahead remains to be read and written about but I have a feeling its going to rock my theological perspectives and pentecostal roots. But I am a big girl and exposing differing sides of things is how we grow. I want to say so much more but I am dead tired right now. But ya’ll come back now ya hear!

This is a good poem that describes our theology at Wounded Healer Fellowship. Check it out.

Hurt–to heal!

I cried, "Lord, use me!"

He answered, "Wait."

Then came the hurt.

Loneliness–I walked through desolation

to share His fellowship.

Doubt–I wept through despair to seek His faith.

Fear–I wrestled through darkness

to seize His freedom.

And the Balm of Gilead flowed

into the depths of my soul.

It cleansed; it soothed; it healed.

Again I cried, "Lord, use me!"

This time He answered, "Go!"

"I send you forth to heal.

Walk with the lonely–

share with them my fellowship.

Weep with the despairing–

seek with them My faith.

Wrestle with the fearful–

seize with them My freedom.

And the Balm of Gilead will flow

into the depths of their souls.

It will cleanse;

it will soothe;

it will heal."

He spoke again: "My child,

I spared you no hurt–

that I might use you to heal!"

For those of you who believe that the gifts are still operative today, like I do, today was a very interesting day. First let me say that my friend Edna told me to write down when God sends me a word. I always forget. I do remember them but I sometimes forget specifics. So today, while attending a denominational minister’s meeting with our AG Superintendent was preaching God sent me a word through him!

This is what Rev. Edwin Martinez of the Assemblies of God Southeastern District told me today. He said ""I believe this is a word from God to you. He said to have patience. Patience because what he has called you to do is not the normal church things. He has called you to do more, your vision may not be understood by some and that makes you lose patience. But patience is what you will need for what you will do will explode and be of great impact to the kingdom. It will be further than Broward County. Don’t look to be understood. What you are called to do is not to be average. It’s to be great. You are not to be normal. Eventually people will understand, people will join to help you but you need patience first."

Now I do test the Spirit. For me that was God. Why? Because my superintendent don’t know me from Eve. He’s heard of me, he even mentioned me at the meeting but there is no way he would know that I struggle with patience! I struggle with alot of things remember I lead with a limp! But God has been confirming our vision and I just need to ‘have patience’. It’s not that I want everything to happen RIGHT NOW, its that I need help. I get tired I’m not 28 anymore. But I go forward.

I recently received a book to review called the Heretic’s Guide to Eternity written by Spencer Burke and Barry Taylor. I met Spencer at EC05. He’s the founder of the www.theooze.com.

When I got the book, I immediately was taken by the title. Brian McLaren who wrote the foreword seemed to know that that would happen for as I started to read his very well written introduction to the book, he explained why the use of the word "heretic" could be a dangerous thing for the authors or a very fitting title.

When I read the back of the book, I said oh boy, my theology is going to be changed when I dive into this. The authors wrote "the general orthodox Christian view of who gets to heaven and who is doomed to hell is based on the notion that we humans have to choose to ‘opt in’ to God’s plan for our salvation by baptism, repentance, prayer and a righteous life. But what if it’s the opposite–we are all in, from the moment we are born, no matter when or where we live, and we have to choose to ‘opt out’ in order to be excluded from God’s universal grace?" I’m going to start reading and should have some thoughts soon but right now, I am afraid…very afraid.