A little of our life in review since Jan 2006…

Me and my mother-in-law sharing a laugh

Hiram’s mom visits WHF and sees prophecy fulfilled after 41 years!

Sam with his 2nd cousin Bella [they could be brother/sister right?]

Lady Rios, the OTHER woman of the house.

Hiram with his grown up nephews, Timothy and Matthew

Last night, Wounded Healer (WHF) celebrated with 10 graduates of cohort #2 of the Soul Care Institute. Pastor Edna started this as an arm of WHF to train people to become effective soul care givers whether in church or society. Take a look.

Today is a day I want to crawl under a rock and just cry. Have you ever heard of the joke of a man walking around Yankee stadium speaking to himself saying, ‘one million people, one million people, one million people’ and someone overheard him and said, ‘what do mean one million people?’ and the guy answers, ‘out of one million people in Yankee stadium, the bird had to crap on ME.’ Well, sometimes I feel like I have a bull’s eye on my back.

I am super sad today and I am not one to wallow in my sadness. When I was going through my valley moments with my little DJ’s 27 surgeries and almost 2 years in and out of the hospital, I didn’t allow myself to become depressed. When I had marriage issues I cried but didn’t allow myself to stay in a pity party. Now understand that its not that I think you can’t be sad or depressed its just that in my head and heart I believe I have to trust God in the middle of my mess. But yes, sometimes, I feel the mess overtake and for a brief moment I cry (hard) and wonder…one million people, one million people.

It’s not like I don’t know that YOU also have your problems. But isn’t it the case that when we are going through things we feel like we are alone, the only ones that are feeling the way we do or going through what we are?  Hey, its been seen in the Bible. Elijah went through it. The contrasts between 1 Kings 18 and 1 Kings 19 are sharp and startling. They are as different as night and day. In one Elijah is bold and courageous, victoriously facing all kinds of odds with the chapter concluding, “the hand of the Lord was on Elijah, and he girded up his loins and outran Ahab to Jezreel.” Elijah experienced God’s supernatural strength to do the extraordinary. But in chapter 19, we find Elijah fearful, running scared, exhausted, depressed, and wanting to die. Well, today, this is me. Literally, I don’t want to be here…on earth…alive.

It gives me comfort to know that others have been there…like the story of Elijah…before us we see the cause of the change in Elijah. King Ahab tells the notorious Jezebel what Elijah had done. She reacts with vengeance and threatens Elijah’s life. Elijah runs for his life down to Beersheba in the desert in the southern most part of Judah. Leaving his servant, he continues another day’s journey further into the desert, crawls under a scrubby tree and, in deep depression, asks God to let him die.

Have you ever been there, in the gloom of despair and defeat when all your expectations exploded in your face? I don’t know what Elijah was expecting. With the power of God so clearly manifested perhaps Elijah thought there would be some change in Ahab, some positive response with the result there were going to be changes in the kingdom of Israel. We aren’t told. We can only guess. But something really shattered Elijah’s focus and his faith.

For Elijah it was his expectations after Mt. Carmel and Jezebel. For me, its always finances. I do the bills in my home and I am a real about what’s in the bank and what’s not. Trying to pay my own tuition, all the things that come with owning a home (that no one told me about) and just plain old surviving has me so tired. I work full-time at a demanding job, teach on the side to make extra money, and try to be a good wife and mom plus I planted a church almost two years ago with my husband.

The Problem of Our Expectations

Perhaps the first lesson we can learn from Elijah’s response concerns our expectations and their impact on us. He was expecting something different–something more positive. He was looking for a real turnaround in the spiritual conditions of the kingdom and his expectations may have moved into the realm of a sense of demandingness.

Life is full of disappointments and if we are not extremely careful, those expectations will derail us as they become demands of our heart. It is not wrong for us to hope for the best and to look to the Lord for that. First Corinthians 13:7 says “love . . . believes all things, hopes all things.” The same is true for faith according to Heb. 11:1. But 1 Corinthians 13:7 also says, “love bears all things, . . . endures all things.” Please note, believing and hoping is sandwiched between bearing and enduring. I feel like I do more bearing and enduring in life.

God holds us responsible for trusting in Him, for obedience, for love, for endurance, and for faithfulness to do what He has called us to do. He does not hold us responsible for the results. The results are in His hands, not ours. We can’t change people, and we often can’t change our circumstances, only God can. Further, our expectations can easily slip into a sense of a demandingness–demanding that things work out the way we think they should. When that happens we are usurping God’s sovereignty and acting as though we the creature were the all wise Creator (cf. Job. 40:1-9). When we focus on our expectations and make the results we want the source of our happiness, security, or significance, we end up in the Elijah syndrome–fearful, ready to run away, and engulfed in feelings of failure and depression or fear and frustration.

I did my own study on this character and want to share the info I found on him.

Some principles we can glean from this negative focus and response of the prophet:

(1) We should never walk by sight–as things appear to us. We are to walk by faith in the sovereign control and providence of the Lord (2 Cor. 5:7; Ps. 103:19; 115:3). Does this mean we are to be ignorant of the problems or ignore them so that we stick our heads in the sand like the proverbial ostrich–if they really do that? I think not! Only a weak faith seeks to ignore the problems (cf. Num. 13:1-2; Rom. 4:19).

(2) Rather, it means we are to stay focused on the Lord and seek to look beyond the problems through the eyes of faith. By faith we are to see the very real, though invisible realities about God’s person and the faithfulness of His promises and principles for life as revealed in Scripture (Ps. 19:7-9; 93:5; Rom. 4:17-21). In Romans 4:16, Abraham is called the father of faith. With Abraham as our father of faith, we can glean four things about the kind of faith God wants us to have:

• He was Confident in God’s Person (verses 17, 21), “even God, who gives life to the dead and calls into being that which does not exist,” “. . . He was able also to perform.” Faith knows God is the One who brings dead things to life and calls into being even the things which are not. The focus here is on God’s person.
• He was Cognizant of the Problem (vs. 19), “And without becoming weak in faith, he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead . . .” In other words, he did not act as though there was no problem. He faced it, but saw beyond it to the Lord.
• He was Conversant with and Convinced of God’s Promises (verses 17, 18, and 21). In other words, he both knew and claimed the promises of God. He stood on the faithfulness of God to keep His promises.
• He was Constant against All Odds (verses 18a and 20), “in hope against hope he believed,” and “he did not waver in unbelief.” Regardless of the difficulty, he endured and believed God was in charge and would be faithful to what He had promised, even if it meant resurrection (Heb. 11:17-19).

(3) Therefore, by faith, we are to continue to do the things God has called us to do like pray, trust, work, serve, go to a doctor or get counsel, etc. God forbid, however, that we should run ahead of the Lord with our escape and defense strategies through which we seek to change, manipulate or control the situation.

(4) Whenever we walk by sight, we forfeit a great deal of God’s blessing and provision. This does not mean He forsakes us. God did not forsake Elijah. Indeed, He sought him out and ministered to him. During our times of unbelief, however, we forfeit God’s best. Note the following examples: (a) Lot chose according to sight, not faith, and ended up losing everything (Gen. 13:1-13). (b) At Kadesh Barnea, the people walked by sight and forfeited the privilege of entering the land. For forty years they wandered in the wilderness (Num. 13:33 and Heb. 3:18-4:2).

(5) Finally, it is helpful to remember we cannot truly remain occupied with the Lord and our problems at the same time. Obviously we will be aware of them, but our focus needs to be on the Savior. “Looking unto Jesus . . .” in Hebrews 12:2 is the Greek aphorao from apo, “from,” and horao, “to see” followed by the preposition eis, “unto.” The basic meaning is “to look away from and unto Jesus.”

But alas, we all have feet of clay. Keeping our focus on the Lord and our minds relating to God in the midst of a fallen and evil world that says, happiness, security, significance, (i.e., your needs), are found in the details of life, is not easy. We are bombarded with a general attitude that is illustrated in slogans like “life is short, so play hard. You only go around once, so get all the gusto you can.” Even when we are not affected by that kind of thinking–and Elijah was not–it is still difficult to maintain our spiritual equilibrium or orientation to God. It is easy to get lost in the fog, the dense clouds that sometimes envelop us. We try to fly by the seat of our pants rather than by our biblical instrument panel. As a result, we get lost or we crash and burn emotionally.

In this chapter, Elijah becomes a classic illustration of a depressed person. We find in his thinking, words, and actions many classic symptoms of depression–withdrawal or escape, moodiness, apprehension or fear, self-pity, feelings of worthlessness, loss of hope or confidence, anger, irritability, painful and wrong thinking, and physical exhaustion to name some of the symptoms.

According to Doctors Minirth and Meier, the number one problem in America is depression. They say:

As psychiatrists we see more people suffering from depression than from all other emotional problems put together . . . At the present time, one American in 20 is medically diagnosed as suffering from depression . . . of course, many, many more are depressed but never receive help. According to one estimate about 20 million persons in America between the ages of eighteen and 74 are currently depressed . . . Depression occurs two times more often in females, than males, and it occurs three times more often in higher socio-economic groups. Money definitely does not buy happiness. Depression occurs most often in the fourth and fifth decades of life, but may occur during any stressful period from infancy to old age.

These statistics are interesting and important because we live in a day and in a country where the average person has a higher level of prosperity than probably any other time in history. People have more of the details of life, more potentials for pleasure, travel, fun and games, and luxury than ever before. Yet, depression is a major problem in this country. Paul Meier says:

I have had millionaire businessmen come into my office and tell me they have big houses, yachts, condominiums in Colorado, nice children, a beautiful mistress, an unsuspecting wife, secure corporate positions–and suicidal tendencies.

We might expect depression in this kind of person. But, as I am sure you know, and as the above statistics support, depression is just as big a problem among believers and even those in full-time ministry. The problem of burnout in the ministry among missionaries and pastors is huge. Why mention all of this in connection with Elijah? Because it stresses our vulnerability as Bible-believing Christians. Depression is a devastating, debilitating malady that affects our total person–spirit, soul, and body. And it negatively impacts us spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Note some facts about depression:

(1) It is universal. It is no respecter of persons. It touches the poor and the rich, the weak and the mighty, the educated and the uneducated. It hits everyone because, ultimately, it is not caused by circumstances, possessions, or position, but rather by the way one handles life.

(2) No profession is exempt from it. It reaches out and grabs doctors, lawyers, businessmen, cab drivers, construction workers, pastors, missionaries, nurses, secretaries, housewives, moms and dads, farmers, truck drivers, athletes, etc.

(3) Depression has nothing to do with one’s IQ. If anything, people with higher IQs are more susceptible.

(4) Age is not a defense against it. It attacks the young and old alike. Each decade of age has its own special susceptibility to depression. This is often referred to as the cycles of depression.

(5) Depression ranges from mild mood swings (which we all face) to deep psychosis.

(6) It may of course have physical causes. A lack of sleep, improper diet, vitamin deficiency, exhaustion are among the more simple causes. It may also be caused by such things as drugs, low blood sugar, glandular disorders, allergies, brain tumors, and chemical imbalances.

(7) One of the most common causes, however, is in the area of the spiritual, mental, and emotional. This can also affect the physical (Prov. 14:30; 17:22). In other words, while there are physical causes, and these should be checked out, the most common causes are spiritual. Some of these causes are:

• Disappointment or failure. We tend to become depressed when our expectations are not met. Timothy LaHaye says, “of the hundreds of depressed cases I have examined, without exception they began with a disappointment or an experience in which the individual was displeased.” People tend to become depressed when they become disappointed in their performance, in another’s performance, or when something they were expecting did not materialize.
• An Unbiblical Self-concept. Thinking wrongly about ourselves can be a terrible downer. This involves disappointment in ourselves, which may be the result of a wrong self-image of who we are in Christ. It also may be the result of false and unrealistic expectations or unresolved guilt, real or unreal. In other words, seeking happiness, security, and significance from our success or performance rather than from the Lord is a real downer–a big cause of discouragement or depression.
• Covetousness. This is the strong desire for things–position, power, prestige, possessions, privileges, etc., in the belief that they will meet our needs, that they will give us happiness or security. When these things don’t meet our needs (and they won’t) depression sets in.
• Rejection by Others. We all have a basic need for the ABC tripod of stability–acceptance, belongingness, and competence. When any one of these suffer, it can cause depression. Again, however, the root cause is our failure to find this tripod of emotional and mental stability in God’s evaluation and declarations regarding our lives. In Christ, we have acceptance. As God’s children, we belong to the family of God and we have the capacity He gives us to live the Christian life.

Elijah had experienced a great victory on Mount Carmel with a long-time goal accomplished. Yahweh was proven to be the true God, the people had worshipped the Lord as the true God, and the Baal prophets had been put to death. But this was also a very vulnerable time; a time where anyone could easily let down. Elijah had expended a great deal of energy–both physical and spiritual. It was truly a mountain-top experience, but now he needed to watch for the valleys that always follow.

As soon as Jezebel heard of the victory of Elijah, she sent her threat and his expectations for revival and reformation were dashed into pieces like a china cup on a concrete floor. Being disappointed, Elijah got his eyes off the Lord, became fearful, and ran for his life down to Beersheba and then beyond into the desert. He was alone, having left his servant behind. He was tired, exhausted, and in the wilderness by himself without food and water. Of course, he was not alone because the Lord was there, but he felt totally alone, helpless, fearful, hurt, a failure, and he wasn’t thinking with the viewpoint of the Word.

In such a state, what do we do? We become apathetic and faithless. We seek escape, feel sorry for ourselves and think irrationally (biblically speaking). We lose our perspective. The situation becomes a mountain and the Lord becomes in our sight like a mole hill. We stop enjoying life, we forget our goals, lose ground, and withdraw from God and people–the very ones we need the most. With this in mind, let’s note some of the causes for Elijah’s discouragement or depression:

Psychological Reason: There is generally a natural let down after victory and the accomplishment of a goal or a large task. Sunday nights and Mondays used to be terrible for me because of the let down following the emotional high of Sunday.

Physical Reason: Have you ever noticed how quickly discouragement, irritability and depression can come when you are exhausted? Elijah was physically and emotionally drained from the whole experience of Mount Carmel, the run to Jezreel, and, added to all that, the flight into the desert. I get exhausted just thinking about it! When our bodies are tired, we can’t think and respond to pressure as well as we normally can. In Elijah’s exhausted state, he prayed, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life.” Instead, the Lord lovingly and graciously sent an angel to feed and nourish him. There is a principle here: proper rest, diet, and exercise are essential to coping with depression.

Spiritual Reasons:

(1) Disappointment, or failing to rest his expectations on the Lord. Elijah was expecting revival and reformation, but instead he experienced rejection and a threat against his life. He failed to realize that God was at work regardless of how things appeared to him. Later in the chapter, God illustrates that to the Prophet.

(2) Anger and hurt that quickly led to self-pity. He was angry at everyone including himself and the Lord. People didn’t care. He had failed. God had let him down, and no one would stand with him in the fight. He was all alone. But when our hurts fester into anger and replace love and endurance, we quickly lose our perspective and begin to imagine things that only reinforce our bad feelings and increase our depression.

(3) Wrong thinking about himself. This is seen as we examine 19:4, 10, and 14. There was the thinking that he was indispensable and poor God, He was left alone with just Elijah. So, suddenly, all became hopeless. Note three things: (a) He became occupied with his own importance, as seen in his words, “I am very zealous for the Lord, . . . for the sons of Israel have forsaken Thy covenant . . .” This was basically true, but focusing on this caused him to forget or ignore some other important principles of the Word. (b) He began to think of himself and his ministry as indispensable to the Lord’s cause. We see this in his words, “the son’s of Israel have forsaken . . . and I alone am left,” i.e., there is no one else to maintain your cause, God. He was ignoring God’s independent sovereignty and the doctrine of the remnant. God always has a remnant (Isa. 1:9). Though the Lord uses individuals as his instruments, He is dependent on no one. (c) Finally, he saw himself as an absolute failure, as worthless, as no better than his fathers who had allowed the nation to fall into this condition. In other words, he was seeking his significance, his value on his life, from his success in terms of outward results.

All of this “stinking thinking” blinded him to the Lord and the principles of Scripture. He lost sight of these principles: (a) Though we are soldiers in God’s army, the battle is the Lord’s (1 Sam. 17:14). (b) While we are fellow workers with the Lord with one sowing and another watering, the Lord alone gives the increase (1 Cor. 3:5-9), and He does so in different degrees (Matt. 13:24), and according to His timing (Eccl. 3:1; Gal. 6:9). (c) The Lord prospers His Word as He sees fit, and sometimes it becomes the basis of His judgment rather than blessing (Isa. 55:11; 6:9-11).

One of the great causes of discouragement is the lack of apparent progress, yet progress is not always obvious especially in spiritual matters, at least not to us.

The Chinese bamboo tree does absolutely nothing–or so it seems–for the first four years. Then suddenly, sometime during the fifth year, it shoots up ninety feet in sixty days. Would you say the bamboo tree grows in six weeks or in five years? Well, our lives and ministry are often like the bamboo tree. Sometimes we put forth effort, put forth effort, and put forth effort . . . and nothing seems to happen. But if you do the right things long enough, you’ll receive the rewards of your efforts.

Compare 1 Corinthians 15:58 and Galatians 6:9, “And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” We are all to find our significance, our value in the Lord and His grace. We need to know we are complete in Christ and have been given gifts of grace to serve Him (Col. 2:10; Rom. 12:3f).

Elijah, of course, was not alone. The Lord was there and even sent His angel to minister to him. Not only is the Lord omnipresent, but how comforting to know He has promised to never leave nor forsake believers no matter what we face (Ps. 139; Heb. 13:5-6). He was also not alone from the human standpoint. God had 7,000 that had not bowed the knee to Baal.

Note how the Lord handles Elijah’s depression:

(1) Before He dealt with Elijah’s spiritual condition, He rejuvenated Elijah physically with rest and nourishment.

(2) He then got Elijah to face his true condition, the real problem. Taking the position of a counselor, the Lord twice asked Elijah “why are you here?” In other words, take stock, think about what you have been doing (vss. 9 and 13).

(3) God spoke to him personally in verses 9, 12, 13, and 15. This illustrates the need to be in the Word where we listen to the Lord (hear His still small voice), focus on Him, and apply truth. We will study this in more detail later.

(4) He got Elijah active and involved in ministry again. Note the “Go, return on your way . . .” in verse 15. When feeling down, depressed, apart from getting needed rest, do not give in to the temptation to mope about and do nothing. Doing nothing only reinforces the depression. By the same token, never use activity to narcotize the pain. Give it to the Lord. Rest, relaxation, and solitude with the Lord needs the balance of involvement in work and ministry, but always out of a spirit of faith, never just activity.

(5) God provided Elijah with a companion. He commanded him to find Elisha. Elijah was trying to do too much himself. He had to learn to share the work load and burden with others. Eventually, others must be able to share our load and even take our place.

Depression, as we have been discussing it here, is not something we catch like a virus, something that is unavoidable. We bring it on ourselves by wrong thinking and wrong choices, and for some reason we unconsciously choose to get depressed. It is a choice we do not want to make, but we make it anyway. Why do we choose it? Because it is one of our strategies for coping with our disappointments. Depression is simply a man-made and temporary solution to our pain. The world offers many solutions for relief, but they are not only temporary and shallow, but they invariably lead us away from God’s solutions. This makes them part of Satan’s program of deception. People want to feel better and to be comfortable. Some of our ways of coping may be legitimate, but if they do not ultimately lead us to find and know God’s sufficiency, they become a part of the problem rather than the solution. As Proverbs teaches us, “there is a way that seems right unto man, but its end is the way of death” (Prov. 14:12).

We must count the costs of depression. Depression costs us tremendously in terms of our productivity, our effectiveness, and our happiness physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Depression affects us in every sphere–at home, on the job, in the community, and in our church and in the Lord’s work.

Please pray for me because this is what I am battling right now. Today is one of those battle days. I know I will get through it. God has been there for me before and I know he is with me now, I just hate the feeling. I appreciate any and all prayers on my behalf. Thank you.

for my Race and Ethnicity class I found this site, I thought I’d share it with you.  This song will be playing as my class enters the room and when they are exiting. Just a way to set the mood for what we’ll be discussing. I’m also going to do an exercise called "The Benefits of Being White." It should be a thought-provoking class. Yeah, I’ll be pushing some buttons but all in the name of educacion!

In other news…

My son DJ turned 7 on Friday.  He is special needs for those of you who don’t know. He was born at 26 weeks and although he was doing great, that very fact got him transfered out to a less watched room by the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at a NY hospital and he developed mennigitis which subsequently lead to CP, cortical blindness and hydrocephalus. He doesn’t walk or talk but this little guy has taught our family more about love, committment and being content than many sermons we’ve heard! I love my little DJ pero Samuel no se queda atras (but Samuel doesn’t stay behind)…

Samuel is 9 and keeps me on my toes. And his homework has me going crazy! It’s more like freshman college work to me! Nevertheless, Sam is growing strong and by next summer should be taller than his mommy. He is counting the days for that…

Nooooooooooooo, not that kind of leaving me. Ha ha. My husband is leaving me tomorrow to go to the T.D. Jakes Pastor’s and Leader’s Conference.  I’m going to miss him…BIG TIME.  However, since I am the one that is usually flying here and there…I am glad he is getting this time to be with family, our home church pastors and their ministry team and to most of all, hear from God. I am so excited for him.

I was just informed that I’ve been given FOUR (4) conference sponsorships for women who may be interested in attending the International Women in Ministry conference in California end of October.  For more info on the conference visit www.wimin2.com. This is just for the conference — airfare, hotel and meals not included. If you know of women in ministry who need to be encouraged as they continue to do what God has called them to do, have them email me here. Last year’s conference was powerful, I expect the same this year. Rudy your wife should go, come on drive her there!

      A terrific lineup of speakers will share their ongoing research on, experience with, and insights into the lives of incarcerated women in America. Our workshops and panels include former prisoners as well, and a pre-conference visit to a Philadelphia women’s prison will be available to conference registrants on a first-come first-served basis.

      As record numbers of women return to their communities this year, this conference seeks to take a practical and provocative look into the lives of incarcerated women and their families.  We, the body of Christ, have a tremendous opportunity to come alongside our sisters and learn from them as well as explore what we can do to empower them.

      "Woman, Be Free!" promises to be an unforgettable time of mutual learning.  Listen as an array of practitioners, pastors, former prisoners, lay people, and scholars share their vision for a better future for incarcerated women in America. Won’t you and your colleagues/friends join us to share in the dialogue? Register online today at www.esa-online.org/conferences.befree.

Interested in partnering?  There are many sponsorship opportunities.  For more information, contact Kimberly Gegner, conference coordinator, at (215) 659-1317 or kgegner@eastern.edu.

Are you ready?